Monday, June 16, 2008
|How often did you find your mom comparing you to others? I would say most of the times. Usually parents compare their kids with the other kids of their age to create a hypothetical benchmark. Oh! See he is growing taller,you are not.He studies 8 hours a day but you don't. He plays tennis and wins,don't you feel like doing something good with yourself. Most of us grew up hearing these remarks and believe me I hated these comments beyond imagination.This comparison does not start when the kid starts going to school,it starts way before that,I think from the day the baby is born. May it be regarding baby's weight,his crawling,the day when his first tooth comes out,mothers compare each and every thing.And when they do this,they forget one simple thing,Individuality,of their child.|
Every child is unique in his own way and has individual traits.That's what sets him apart from the rest of the world. And so his growth patterns,his interests,his views and the way he handles the situations.What you need to understand is how to respect his individuality and not to make the biggest mistake of comparison. When you compare a child to others,and sometimes even in siblings(that's the worst), you end up doing nothing but hurting yourself and more than anything you are hurting your child's psyche,stirring him emotionally and making him distant.
I very well understand that comparison is inevitable but when does a sweet little comparison turn into a nerve wrecking monster,you won't even notice,but your child will. He will always feel himself buried under a great deal of pressure,pressure to prove himself to his family, which he always thought, will stood by him through thick and thin.He will start looking for attention from other people rather than you.He will start finding solace in other things rather than your embraces or heart to heart talks. And if the child is emotionally weak,this constant banging may turn him completely against you and he will be a rebel.
One question that comes in mind,why parents do it?
Reasons could be many : status,standing in society,just to push the child and sometimes due to mere frustration.Its not necessary that if X's child is topping the class,Y surely has to do it. Y may not be academically so brilliant but he could have those creative skills that people always yearn for but never get it. So what should you do? As I said in my previous posts as well,read their psyche and this starts right from the beginning. Have confidence in them.Let them be themselves.Groom them in their specialised areas. Show them the right way but don't push them to follow someone's footsteps. Have a friendly and an open approach so that a child can always come to you,discuss his fears,his life. And if you have to give an example,tell him to be role model for himelf.
As i read in one of Shahrukh Khan's interviews,that he tells his children "Loosing is not an option" and this he does not say with any vengeance or anger.What I make out of it is that when you loose,try even more harder and don't let loosing be an option for you.And this is what I ll try and teach my child too.