Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Meddlesome parenting
 I came across this article yesterday about a mother being killed by her own daughter. Although the case of extreme reaction was an exception but this power struggle in relationships especially for mother daughter duo is very much a reality. Irrespective of culture and community, mothers love to control their children. The intensity may differ but this innate instinct does lie somewhere. It is more vocal in a country like India because the women folk here are generally not considered equivalent to men and children are not supposed to move out on parents. It is the control and power that some mothers lurch for and end up victimizing their own children in the name of being 'protective'. Mothers monitor their every move and especially when it comes to daughters, the protective nature becomes intrusive. And even without realizing, a normal intriguing parent turns into a meddlesome authority. A very close friend of mine went through a typical hypocritical phase in her life where she ended up losing her genetic family but found love in those who were never related to her in blood. It was when her mother decided to be her marriage breaker. For the reasons best known to her, mother tried to manipulate the circumstances that brought her and her fiance on the threshold of putting an end to their otherwise very strong and loving relationship. It was my friend's confidence in her fiance and his family that gave her the strength to break all ties and be with the ones who truly loved her. They accepted her despite all the ill treatment they received from her parents and continue to adore her just like a member of their own family. Till date, I am unable to understand what prompted her mother to do that and what did she got by paving the way for her own daughter's misery. Whether it was the desire to control her and her new family, or a hunger for power or money or just an ego issue? Whatever it was, she ended up losing her only daughter, giving her child the pain of lifetime and I can easily bet that she would still be blaming her daughter for the rift. Indian mentality does not allow children to be treated as grownups even if they are well past their 20s or 30s. Mothers refuse to let go and believe that its right to be preachy about anything and everything. But little do the mothers realize that this tendency pushes teens and adults even far and they burst either by revolting or taking extreme steps like the one that hit the headlines. Parenting is not about possession, control and expectations. It is about giving and understanding the individuality of the little ones whom you have brought into this world but eventually they are going to grow up, make their own decisions and live their own life. Just a little more thought and sensitivity can make life and relationships lot more loving and easier. Labels: being a parent, indian parenting, intrusive parents, Parent child bond, parent child relationship |
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Susan Boyle: How are we conditioning our kids?
| Few days back, I came across a news article about the recent British singing sensation Susan Boyle. A broody Scottish woman well past her mid 40's is participating in a show called "Britain's Got Talent". She was introduced as the woman with completely unpolished appearance and her admittance of never been kissed in life made things even worse. A laughing stock for the judges, participants and audience, this britain's got talent star left everyone dazed once she started to sing. Her vocal talent wooed the judges and audience alike. When I read this story, I couldn't help but wonder the stereotypical mindsets and cynical attitudes we have indicating the obsession of the world with physical appearance. If someone is beautiful, fair and attractive, we presume that the person definitely has some talent even if it is just about average. And on the other side, we mock and don't appreciate people with bad appearances and dismiss them right away. Our judgemental skills are the result of years of conditioning of our minds that fair and attractive is good and ugly is always bad. Even our fairy tails glorify this assumption(remember snow white). But this story also suggests one more fact that we love sad stories, rags to riches personas and enjoy the kick they give to our emotions. The success of emotional dramas on tv and movies on complete make overs move on to prove this fact. Susan Boyle's video was seen record number of times on Internet with no restriction of age, gender or geographical location. The truth is we talk about it, show symapthy and then move on and choose to do nothing. Can we change the world? Are we giving our kids the same conditioning we had for years and decades or do we have the courage to break the stereotype? We can change the things, we can outrun the obsession but the point is do we want to? This is the irony of life. Labels: attitude towards physical appearance, britain's got talent, raising kids, susan boyle |