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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Missing Being Me...
Being a SAHM has its own perks. Even if you wake up early, you can snooze whenever you want once the kids and hubby are off to their respective workplaces. You can laze around the whole day doing nothing and no one will ask you to justify it :). No hassle of filling time sheets or reporting to boss. No deadlines to meet and no rush hour traffic to beat. Wow, that almost rhymes.. :)You can watch your favorite movies and TV programs anytime without waiting for the weekends to come. And the most gratifying of all is NO MONDAY BLUES.

But all this time I play either a wife, a mommy or a homemaker but what about being 'me'? I am someone's honey, someone's mom and someone's didi (that's what my maid calls me) but beneath all this role playing is a part of me that yearns to be myself. The part that wants to do something with her life. At the moment, I am in a tussle with my own responsibilities and desires. I have to soon figure out how to balance and do what I want or else I will be lost in the sea of faces and will never be able to relate to real 'me'.

My hubby clicked this pic of mine for the subject 'Hope'. And hope is what I am holding onto and looking hard for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Do you feel this too? Have you found your calling? Have you mastered the balancing act? Tell me how you are dealing with it... cause I don't want to miss being me.

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Friday, June 25, 2010
First Day At School
Monday was my son's first day at school and it was me who was all jittery and nervous wreck literally. Although he has attended playgroup but the environment of proper school is very different right from the campus to number of students and behavior of teachers. He had to leave at 8:40 AM. I woke up at 6:30 and made bed tea for me and my hubby. And all through the process, I was continuously looking at the clock, ticking its way to 7. One part of me was actually feeling like hanging with the hand of the clock and pulling it downwards so that the time could just freeze. As soon as the clock struck 7, I took over the daunting task of waking my son up. They look so innocent and beautiful when they sleep. That's why it seems so harsh to wake them up and that too so early (otherwise he wakes up at 8:30 or 9). Fortunately, he is not as fussy as I was as a child. So he just rambled in the bed for a while and then opened his tiny eyes and gave me the world's best smile. You can imagine how my heart would have melted then.

It was time to freshen up now. The benefit of having a supportive hubby is that you can transfer some of the responsibility to his shoulders even without thinking twice. And I take full advantage of that ;-). So I handed over the task of brushing, bathing to him and went to the kitchen. Within half an hour, kitchen was sorted; hubby's and my son's lunches were ready and so was the breakfast. May be it was the anxiety that somehow pushed the over-speed button. I went into the room, put on his uniform and shoes, made his hair ... but oh! A major part is still left.

I don't know about others, but my son takes about an hour just to finish his breakfast and you have to continuously pester him to do that. And there I was, running behind him, bribing him and performing all sorts of tactics so that he could finish his breakfast before the bus started honking the horn right below my building.
Since it was the first day, I didn't want to send him with the bus driver alone as this could make him really panicky. So I immediately got dressed and went to the main gate for the bus to pick us up. The driver was nice enough to agree to take me along and drop me back. So there I was, in my son's bus psychologically preparing him that he was going to school and mom would pick him up after a while. He was looking at me trying to make sense of what I was saying and by the way he was holding my hand, so tightly and firmly, I could tell that he had an inkling of the things to come.

As soon as the bus stopped, he had this little fearful expression in his eyes that I didn't want to see. But he had to do it. I want to be with him when he conquers his fears and takes the major steps of his life, for now it is just going to school. He was alright, not crying but the moment I left him at the door of his class and waved bye, he started sobbing looking into my eyes as if saying, "Mom don't leave me." The teacher stopped me from going inside and asked me to leave. And there I was standing at the gate putting up a brave face and shouting to my child, "Mom is here only.. I will be right here for you... Just play around.. Have fun.."

I waited patiently at the school gates for his classes to get over so that I could see him, see how he was taking it. I had all sorts of thoughts pouncing on me like "what if he is still crying? what if his teacher got angry because of his crying and scolded him or hitted him (it is quite common in India although the trends seem to be changing for better these days)". He came out and was all playful :) I was so happy and relieved to see him like that. For a while he ignored me, maybe he was angry with me for leaving him there. But he couldn't do it for longer :). We reached home and he was again leaping in my arms. He is getting better with every passing day. Now he feels very happy when I make him sit in his school bus. I just hope that he keeps on treading every path in his life easily, keeps on taking the challenges head on and keeps coming out as a a better person adorning happiness and success.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Best Time To Have Kids
Once a friend asked me intriguingly owing to my experience, "When is the best time to have kids?" And I said without even batting an eyelid, "NEVER". Yes, you heard it right, never. She was aghast. And with her eyes about to pop out of her sockets, very shocked and surprised, she asked me, "what? why?" Here goes my reason for it. They are always crying,throwing fits of tantrums and if not, continuously babbling and seeking your attention, they rob you of your independence,make you a pro at scolding and mind you, no sleep... no sleep at all. The moment you are about to watch your favorite TV program or listen to some good music, they are right into your ears whispering their demands. Your life is literally reduced to bare necessities. And we are never prepared for a life like this. All, well most of us plan the timing when we want to have kids but there are many times later on when we feel like pulling every single strand of hair on our head.

But have you ever noticed that their one smile can take away your every pain, their one giggle can make you content and their one silly imitation of a poem can make you laugh wholeheartedly for the entire day. Who else can do that? The moment your child comes and gives you this wet, slimy kiss and embraces you in a tight hug, all your worries, anger, frustration just vanish somewhere in the air.

The moment you have them, your life is full of unconditional love and warmth. Your life is so complete. Their smile, your sighs, your hard stares, their laughter, your anger, their innocence and a sense of pride seeing them turn into fine human beings is beyond imagination. Its right, there is no best time to have kids...its the moment you are ready to open your arms to such a beautiful and extremely overwhelming experience in life.

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Friday, June 11, 2010
Hope And Happiness
Life brings you surprises one after the other – some pleasant and some not so pleasant. When my son was born, it was the most beautiful gift I could ever think of but when it came to basics of motherhood (that includes feeding, cleaning), I was in for a huge surprise. I couldn’t imagine my life surrounding a little soul and I was doing nothing but spending my time taking care of him. The storyboard changed from the ambitions of a young working independent girl to a brooding mom changing diapers. I had the biggest identity crisis of my life until I took hold of the situation. The real strength of character lies in how you deal with what life dishes out to you. You cannot plan your life except waking up in the morning at 6:00, making breakfast and sending children to school … What if someday, your alarm chooses not to ring (for whatever reason)?

There are people who constantly blame situations, people around them for the bad happenings in their life (Believe me, I was also one of them at one point of life). If they feel so strongly about life being not fair to them, why don’t they do something about it? It is alright to be sad but life is not about gaining sympathy or finding comfort in tears. It is about laughing out loud with the most optimistic thoughts and having the fighting spirit despite all odds.

I have come across many people in life who inspired me but at the same time those too who bogged me down. The art lies in keeping the inspirations close (as I have by marrying him ;-))and pessimists a little away from you. Like everyone else, I want my son to grow as a happy person and for that I have to lead by example. Children are like sponges who absorb everything that comes their way. The first experience of course comes from the parents. So live your life with hope and happiness and pass on the same values to your little ones.

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Thursday, June 10, 2010
Coming Back To Where I Belong
Exactly an year back, I wrote my last blog post. Don't know how but lost track of the time and also many friends that I made online. The last year has been rewarding in terms of experiences and allowed me to grow more mature as a parent and here I am back again with a promise to share my views. I am back to where I belong... to my own community of mom bloggers....

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