Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Missing Being Me...
| Being a SAHM has its own perks. Even if you wake up early, you can snooze whenever you want once the kids and hubby are off to their respective workplaces. You can laze around the whole day doing nothing and no one will ask you to justify it :). No hassle of filling time sheets or reporting to boss. No deadlines to meet and no rush hour traffic to beat. Wow, that almost rhymes.. :)You can watch your favorite movies and TV programs anytime without waiting for the weekends to come. And the most gratifying of all is NO MONDAY BLUES. But all this time I play either a wife, a mommy or a homemaker but what about being 'me'? I am someone's honey, someone's mom and someone's didi (that's what my maid calls me) but beneath all this role playing is a part of me that yearns to be myself. The part that wants to do something with her life. At the moment, I am in a tussle with my own responsibilities and desires. I have to soon figure out how to balance and do what I want or else I will be lost in the sea of faces and will never be able to relate to real 'me'.  My hubby clicked this pic of mine for the subject 'Hope'. And hope is what I am holding onto and looking hard for the light at the end of the tunnel. Do you feel this too? Have you found your calling? Have you mastered the balancing act? Tell me how you are dealing with it... cause I don't want to miss being me. Labels: SAHM, stay at home mom |
Monday, December 22, 2008
A day of self realization
| When I first quitted my job after my son was born, i wasn't quiet ready for it. Though i was willing to give my complete time to my son but somehow i missed my job very much. Every day i sulked, fought with my husband as he turned my punching bag,sometimes shown my anger to my son too which was not fair at all.What made me do this, i guess the thought of just wasting my time sitting at home and not being a contributor to my family finances. As my son turned 1 year old, i started seriously thinking about getting back to work. It took me two months to muster the courage to go ahead.I thought I would just survey the day cares in my neighborhood as no potential domestic help I had at home. Yesterday, I went to a day care near my place. The lady was very nice and the way she was handling things, it was quiet professional. I was very impressed. Suddenly I saw an 8 month old who was crying inconsolably. I enquired and she told me that when ever the main door opens,he starts crying. I just couldn't bear the glare of his waiting eyes. He was looking for his mommy. Everytime the door opened,he thought his mommy had come to pick him and on not seeing her,he started crying. I just couldn't take it. Being a mommy has made me very sentimental, not that i was not a emotional person earlier,but now the tears just trickle and the heart melts down at the slightest provocation and when it comes from a child, you can guess my helplessness. I couldn't stop my self,went ahead and took him in my arms and gave him a reassuring hug. I don't know it touched him or not, but for a while he did stopped crying. I talked to the lady for a while, checked all the toys,cribs and stuff the day care had for my satisfaction and when I was about to leave,the little boy just extended his arms towards me and in his language literally pleaded. If he could speak,he would have said, "Take me to my mommy please". This incident really shook me and I realized, how much may I say I need to get back to work, nothing is compelling enough overcome even the thought of leaving my son behind,let alone actually doing it. This visit to day care actually made me come to terms with what I am doing when I am sitting at home. I am not wasting my time, I am giving my son the nurture,the care he deserves and most importantly which no one else can give. These are his formative years and he needs me by his side. God has his mysterious ways of sending his voice to you, all you need to do is to listen to it. I never thanked God enough for what he has given me, a wonderful, supporting,loving husband, a lovely son, a life anyone would want. I just can't stop counting my blessings, I thank you God for being there always. Labels: coming to terms with staying at home, day care, stay at home mom, working mom |