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Monday, December 22, 2008
A day of self realization
When I first quitted my job after my son was born, i wasn't quiet ready for it. Though i was willing to give my complete time to my son but somehow i missed my job very much. Every day i sulked, fought with my husband as he turned my punching bag,sometimes shown my anger to my son too which was not fair at all.What made me do this, i guess the thought of just wasting my time sitting at home and not being a contributor to my family finances.

As my son turned 1 year old, i started seriously thinking about getting back to work. It took me two months to muster the courage to go ahead.I thought I would just survey the day cares in my neighborhood as no potential domestic help I had at home. Yesterday, I went to a day care near my place. The lady was very nice and the way she was handling things, it was quiet professional. I was very impressed. Suddenly I saw an 8 month old who was crying inconsolably. I enquired and she told me that when ever the main door opens,he starts crying. I just couldn't bear the glare of his waiting eyes. He was looking for his mommy. Everytime the door opened,he thought his mommy had come to pick him and on not seeing her,he started crying. I just couldn't take it. Being a mommy has made me very sentimental, not that i was not a emotional person earlier,but now the tears just trickle and the heart melts down at the slightest provocation and when it comes from a child, you can guess my helplessness. I couldn't stop my self,went ahead and took him in my arms and gave him a reassuring hug. I don't know it touched him or not, but for a while he did stopped crying.

I talked to the lady for a while, checked all the toys,cribs and stuff the day care had for my satisfaction and when I was about to leave,the little boy just extended his arms towards me and in his language literally pleaded. If he could speak,he would have said, "Take me to my mommy please". This incident really shook me and I realized, how much may I say I need to get back to work, nothing is compelling enough overcome even the thought of leaving my son behind,let alone actually doing it. This visit to day care actually made me come to terms with what I am doing when I am sitting at home. I am not wasting my time, I am giving my son the nurture,the care he deserves and most importantly which no one else can give. These are his formative years and he needs me by his side.
God has his mysterious ways of sending his voice to you, all you need to do is to listen to it. I never thanked God enough for what he has given me, a wonderful, supporting,loving husband, a lovely son, a life anyone would want. I just can't stop counting my blessings, I thank you God for being there always.

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16 Comments:

as a SAHM, i cant agree with u more, it's a very dedicated job and of cos u are not doing 'nothing'! i always shoot back at people who gives me these very tactless remarks!

u are doing well, keep up the good job mummy!

December 22, 2008 at 2:48 PM  

Well, God does show in HIS own ways, where you should 'really' belong....

*smile*

Thank you for adding me on your 'Blogs I like'... thank you...

you are in my 'check them out' list too...

December 22, 2008 at 5:26 PM  

Thanks so much Krisite for ur support and yes its a bigger job we are doing by staying at home.

Hi Angeline

Thanks for adding me. God is where you want to see him.

December 22, 2008 at 6:09 PM  

Aww. What a blessing for you, and for your child. Thanks for sharing that. I was a SAHM (now I work p/t outside the home) and never felt more "in my place" than I did then. I wish our society understood that value a little more, as it is just as important as any other "job" out there.

Peace,
GM

December 22, 2008 at 9:58 PM  

Jaanvi,
I felt the same sense of conflict when I first decided to stay at home. Although I knew what I was doing was important, it didn't come with a paycheck or other adults praising me for my expertise. I was a professional with an advanced degree in my former life, and there was something dissatisfying in reading picture books instead of doing difficult research. So, please know that the sense of conflict you felt is one that many moms feel at first. I think it might just be part of the transition.

Your writing about the day care center brings out a conflict that many working moms feel, and the choice you made shows that you are a loving caretaker for your son. I also "almost" went back to work, but there is something about how it felt that made me understand that motherhood is a sacred trust. There is no one else in the world who can do what I am doing for my children.

I think your son is so blessed to have you as his mother.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts through your writing. I will surely be back again to read more of what you have to say.

All the best, Julia at Midwest Moms

December 22, 2008 at 10:16 PM  

You are a wonderful mom able to quit your job to take care your son. Well I'm in your situation b4 I enroll my girl to kindy. But when it's a time to let them be more independence I need to let go.

December 23, 2008 at 7:43 AM  

Ya Groovy Mom
I think society is built that way and somehow our psychology is also tuned in,that's what the bad part is.

Thanks Julia for such warm thoughts. I feel at ease hearing that all moms go through this phase. I am much more comfortable now with this self realisation. I am happy and calm.. :)

Vicky
I completely agree with you. There is a time when you have to let go of them and I think that's the time, when I can look for some alternative career but not now.

December 23, 2008 at 11:16 AM  

Hello Jaanvi, wishing you and family all the very best of Seasons wishes, happy holidays and have a happy new year, best regards, Lee.

December 24, 2008 at 6:46 AM  

Merry Xmas to u and ur family, feel free please visit my post today!

December 24, 2008 at 11:21 AM  

nice thought. well its not wrong to use your time in free time. its tought to agree but its true that " live a life in non-fictious way and make worth to live by having essence of fictious stories in it"

www.guptapranay.blogspot.com

December 25, 2008 at 3:22 PM  

I couldnt agree more!....I had a similar feeling long before my current offer came about. I simply wasn't ready to go back to work then. So, dont rush yourself, when it is time, you will know it. For now, enjoy the god blessed time to be stay at home mom, You will truely find joy in it! I had my fair share and I am very grateful! Merry Christmas and God bless!

December 25, 2008 at 6:45 PM  

I'm lucky my family n the ppl ard me r vy supportive of me being a SAHM. Some days, I feel really down when the kids drive me up the wall. But I'd still choose to stay home with them.
Glad that u've been 'enlightened'. :)

December 25, 2008 at 10:17 PM  

this is really a very touching post...
yes, do believe in God and with your faith in Him, everything will worked out!

here's wishing you a merry xmas, happy boxing day and a wonderful happy new year 2009 to you & your family!

December 26, 2008 at 7:51 AM  

God sends messages but everyone listens. It's a good thing you are a good listener (*wink*). When things get a bit crazy for me, I try to look into the future when I'm old and the kids have all grown up. Then we will realize what a short time we have with our kids being so young. Now is the time when you can be closest to them. When they still want to spend time with you and crave for your hugs and kisses. It'll never be the same when they have become adults.

December 26, 2008 at 8:12 PM  

Hi there, I have been a stay-home mum for over 4 years now. I can totally understand how you feel as I felt the same in the beginning. But now when I look back, there is never a day I regret my decision to quit my career. I sincerely believe that my children would not have turned out as marvellous as they are now, if I had not been a stay-home mum.

So keep it up! We can always return to our high flying career in future, but once our boys are grown up, we can never return to their childhood. These are their formative years. The significance we as stay-home mum can make to their lives can never be underestimated. :D

December 28, 2008 at 11:44 PM  

I think the job that is the hardest to do is to be a SAHM.

If you enjoy it and can afford it, go for it all the way girl!

Maybe a day out during the weekend will get back all your sanity (if you lost any during the weekdays).

It was a heart wrenching experience for me when I went back to work after my maternity leave....I cried and cried!

January 5, 2009 at 1:04 PM  

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