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Monday, August 11, 2008
Out of Control
I have been lately seeing many toddlers who throw tantrums endlessly. Recently I met a friend of mine who has a 3 year old daughter.They came by to visit my place and her kid literally ransacked my house. She was not at all listening to my friend and was picking things from here and there and swirling them around so badly that I was about to have a panic attack. She was all time trying to have her way. My friend followed an escape route by saying "yeh to sirf apne daddy ki sunti hai" translation "she only listens to her daddy". I really did not liked her approach of surrendering herself and that too by mentioning this in front of the child to make the kid even more aware of helplessness.

From that day onwards,i was so scared and thinking what makes children like this and how can I take care and not turn my child into a prankster. I mean being naughty is okay but there is a very thin line between naughtiness and hooliganism and I don't want my kid to cross that line.
The more i thought about it,the more I realised that it was apart from naughtiness,a typical attention seeking behavior that you normally find in kids.

Tricks according to me that can come handy:
  • You don't have to shout at the kids. This will make them more rebellious. You need to be firm yet understanding.
  • You have to make clear that this is not acceptable.
  • Thrashing won't be of any help. So be patient.
  • One needs to realize that if you are stopping them from having their ways every time,it does not mean that you don't love them.
  • If a child throws tantrums,ignore and make it clear through your behavior that this is not going to work.For eg: Crying in front of a toy shop. Just tell them then and there,that if they keep on crying they won't get it. You need to reason it out.
  • Most of all,you need to teach your child some basic manners like not getting on the sofa with dirty feet, washing hands, asking for permissions etc.
I don't know how helpful these tricks will be as I have not yet used them :) But I am sure you guys can tell me of some ways and also If I am thinking along the correct lines.
The question still looming in my mind, "How will I tackle my child if he tends to cross that thin line"??

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18 Comments:

u r right. we should teach some basic manners to our kids, but i think that most parents had neglect this important values in today's fast pace society

August 12, 2008 at 1:05 PM  

Thanks for sharing. Different handle for different kids, as parent we need to try source out a way to handle our child.

August 12, 2008 at 1:18 PM  

Tantrums are a parent's nightmare. We all don't want to have "that kind of kid". When they are really young, like starting their "terrible twos", distraction is usually a life saver. When they get older, rules need to be set and also the consequences. Also, plenty of reminders BEFORE it happens. For example, if I'm visiting a friend, I will tell them first what is going to happen, what I don't want them to do, how I expect them to behave etc.... But one thing we have to understand too is that when kids are too tired or don't have enough sleep, tantrums are more likely to happen.

August 12, 2008 at 5:44 PM  

ohhh i wish i have answers to that too, jaanvi, but i am also as clueless as you are...
i hope other mummy bloggers can help us out!
yeah i am afraid too if one day my bb girl will grow up becoming a prankster too *oh no!*

August 12, 2008 at 8:09 PM  

Hi Jaanvi, there are a lot of mothers, or parents who love their kids so much they are blind to their kids ways....
We had several experiences of mother's whose young kids misbehave at our house...
Once a brother and sister, both about 4 and 5 years old went into our bedroom, while the mother chatting with us...the mother not caring what the kids doing.

And what they did made my wife blow her top...they had opened her drawers, taken out her jewelery and fooling around with her earrings etc....

I happen to go to the bathroom and saw her jewelery scattered on the table, the kids playing with them and Jannvi...I lost my cool and I yelled at them, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHY YOU OPEN PEOPLE'S DRAWERS...YOU GOT NO &%$@# MANNERS"!

The mother came running in and instead of scolding the kids just said sorry to my wife as she tried to pick up the scattered jewelery.

I knew my wife was going to blow a fuse, so I said to the mother, "please take your untrained, poor manners children and get out of our house now, they behaving worst than thieves"!!!
She grabbed the kids and left immediately....
And she and her kids apart from our house, she has no friends as everyone stopped inviting her....

Yes Jannvi...there are mothers whose love of their children are blind.
I don't blame the children, I blame the parents...
You keep well and have a great day, Lee.

August 12, 2008 at 8:52 PM  

I think ur tricks r vy handy. I'm no expert, still learning to be a good parent. :) Just wanna share this tip: Try to distract the child when he/she is doing something inappropriate. It's more effective than keep saying No or Stop.

August 13, 2008 at 12:21 PM  

I agree with you. You have to start this practice now eventhough your baby may be only a few months old. Trust me that they actually understand u. I am very friendly but yet firm with my child. On your eg. of crying at the toy shop..I won't tell my child if they keep on crying they won't get it. That means u will buy for them as long as they dont cry. I will tell my child " Don't hv to cry, I won't buy for you bcos etc... For those that I can buy I will buy for you. Haven't I been buying toys for u? Those are all I can buy. But this round "NO". My son accepted everytime when i tell him that bcos I don't deprive him from buying things.

August 13, 2008 at 12:54 PM  

Hi Hazel
you are right,but I think these things are primary and should not be on a back seat.

Vickylow

I agree that every child has to be handled in his own way but some basic rules need to clarified as lian said.

August 13, 2008 at 1:10 PM  

Thanks Lian for sharing these wonderful tips,but what if children still behave badly when gone to someone's place inspite of reminder? Is harsh punishment an answer?

And Linda i think your way of handling the toy shop eg. is good,good reasoning.

Ya slavemom distraction works but upto a certain age. I think you can use this ploy only until the child is not big enough to understand.After that it will be useless and inappropriate as well.

August 13, 2008 at 1:17 PM  

Hi June

I too hope that these mommy/daddy bloggers can help us out and see they have come up with some brilliant ideas... :)

Hello Uncle Lee

Thanks for sharing this story. i don't know if its love or what. I mean we all love our children but we would never want them to be like these kids. Its horrifying.

August 13, 2008 at 1:22 PM  

Hi Jaanvi,

tantrums is normal and tantrums for kids is a must! if you can come to that conclusion, you have succeeded....

its a way to vent their frustrations due to lack of vocabulary and expressive sentences...

THE KEY THING is you as a parent MUST KNOW what causes the tantrum, go to the source of the problem and not tackle the tantrum!

as for your friend's daughter, I'm sorry to say that its not a tantrum problem, its a parenting problem - where's the manners?

August 13, 2008 at 2:31 PM  

I agree Angeline
Its for sure a parenting problem.

August 13, 2008 at 3:50 PM  

Thanks for dropping by my blog :)
I'm always scared of threading the line between being strict and being a friend. My elder son is approaching 2 and altough I don't believe in the "Terrible 2s", he has been having more bouts of tantrums but like you said, you don't need to yell. A firm voice is all that is needed.

August 13, 2008 at 4:35 PM  

That is a very good list! Kids around that age go through the tantrum stage, but unless you are able to stop it or control it they will grow up thinking that it is acceptable behavior to get what they want.

Great post!

August 13, 2008 at 11:10 PM  

Good topic for me to come over on the first time.

It is my concern too that my son grows up with good manners and is well behaved in public.

Can't bear the thought of stamping feet in public or screaming (which sadly he now does)!!!

Some say he is too young to be disciplined. At 11 months, I think he is one manipulatvie kid. And I reckon he does understand a little tap at the mouth and a firm NO means mummy is not happy!

August 14, 2008 at 5:39 AM  

Hi Bryan's mama

I am sure its a big responsibility but who said parenting is easy.. :)
At 2,they speak and they do understand,so be firm and relax once in a while.All will be good because good intentions sail you through.. :)

You are right Tammy
Unless you draw the line,they won't understand the difference.

Hi Ann
Thanks.My son will be 11 months old in around 2 months. And believe me,we think its a manipulative behavior but its actually just a way of expressing because they can't speak.. :) At this age,I think disciplining as such may not be possible but sure your NOs and firm talking will reach him and he will think :) (they do)

August 14, 2008 at 10:58 AM  

Hi Jaanvi, I guess children are born with tantrums. I know it's not easy to deal with but I think using a loving, understanding and consistent approach will help your son through them.

August 14, 2008 at 10:41 PM  

Hi Jaanvi hope love to exchange link with you :)

August 19, 2008 at 9:39 AM  

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