Friday, January 23, 2009
Age gap in kids
|I was 6 years younger to my brother. When he was 14, I hardly knew what growing up means. We used to fight over petty issues and used to yell at each other. He was a teenager and i was still a kid. I used to hang around him like a baby chimp and he used to avoid me like plague :). He was not really comfortable with the idea of baby sitting his little sister, i think most teenagers aren't. I always remained a kid in his eyes and never experienced a friendly relation with him. When I became a teenager, he was advising me full throttle as if mom, dad were not enough and I used to hate him. I guess it was the raging hormones and rush of the hour.|
We always had different issues to ponder on. When I was concerned about what we are going to play, he was looking for seclusion just like many teenagers. When I looked for isolation, he was banging on my door. We were always at loggerheads. It was not that we didn't loved each other, but we were always at different junctures of life to lend a patient ear to one another. We grew up, went our ways, got married and now we both have kids. We now have a much better understanding but we are still not friends.
What didn't let us be friends was the very significant age gap and it created more of a generation gap. Now, when I have my own kid, it makes me wonder what my son will be like with his younger brother or sister. I don't know how much age gap is good enough for the kids to be more pally to each other but I know this for sure that i want them to be friends. I want them to grow with an understanding of each others' priorities. Obviously you cannot stop them from fighting with each other and it is definitely a part of growing up but you can sure do what is in your hands. Do you know what should be the age gap among siblings or have you experienced the age difference? Let me know what you all have to say about it.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I wanna play
|I have become very lazy lately. Its may be because I stay at home. I always try to take my son to park so that he mingles around but I usually fail miserably as I am not at all a regular. I feel so enthusiastic one day and then don't even mumble the word "park" for a week or so.|
But guess what, who is now pushing me... my 15 month old son.
Maks is growing more and more independent and cries in the evenings and do all the weird things to signal that he wants to go out. If he could speak, he would have turned the house upside down yelling "I wanna play... I wanna play...". When bell rings, instead of me, he is out there to welcome the guest or rather push the guest away and go out himself. My hubby is now on the job of taking him to park although I too join them once in a while.
The first day my hubby went to the park, he felt really embarrased. He was the only dad there, and was thronged by so many moms... :) he was happy though... :) But nevertheless both of them enjoyed themselves... Maks now has a routine of going to park and take rides... He loves see-saw and sliders... And we love to watch him play and lost in his own world.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
When you run out of patience
|In my earlier post on patience, Patience revisited , I mentioned about how you can go about raising a baby with some understandings of the real world. Here I am talking about slightly bigger babies like toddlers, how to deal with them when they drive you crazy. When you run out of patience, you tend to blurt out words that you don’t mean. If an adult is at the receiving end, he or she reciprocates, things heat up mostly ending up in a bad fight, not talking for days but patch up does take place because adults understand this behavior (although I think this is still not a justified reason to yell). If it’s a child on the receiving end, the poor kid takes meanings to his heart and of course even the unintentional things hurt badly and affect the child’s psyche.|
A parent should always be very careful with the child because they have very innocent and have very impressionable minds.
Here are some things, which you should never tell your children whatever might be the circumstances:
· Comparison: Never use statements like, why can’t you be like neighbor’s son or your sister/brother. It makes children feel inadequate and also can cause a rift between siblings.
· Passing the buck: Saying statements like “wait until your dad comes home” undermines your authority and can also be a tension. The other parent comes home tired, may not handle the things they way it should be or the way you like. Deal with bad behavior then and there.
· Terrifying kids: Terrifying kids may work temporarily but there is always a danger that they may feel very terrorized and can lead to nightmares. Use a stern body language and tone to make the children realize what they need to do. Tell them calmly what you want them to do and listen what they have to say.
· Exploiting anxiety: We often use phrases like “I will leave you, hurry up” not knowing that the biggest fear children have is that they will get lost. Kids never have a sense of urgency as adults so you need to push them to get ready early.
· Labeling your child: By saying things like, “you are a bad boy” or “you are very naughty”, instead of managing the behavior, you are making sure that the child also starts believing in your words. You need to separate the child from his or her actions.
· Homework: Children are already so bogged down by their homework that they do not need us to sit on their backs and increase the load. When we say, ”why are you not getting it, its so simple”, it makes them nervous and probably deteriorates the condition. Help them learn and make it fun.
I try not to lose my patience and not use words that can be hurting, but there are times when I am driven against the wall. At those times, I shut my mouth and be completely silent, that works best for me. It is not always possible to walk the straight line but by knowing where the straight line is, one can coordinate one’s actions.
Monday, January 5, 2009
|There is something about weddings,engagements that tend to uplift your mood. I usually become so peppy as if its my own. As usual I was very upbeat because there was a very close friend's brother's engagement few weeks back. They have to go to another city for that. Although I was a bit tied up,so couldn't go, but my hubby did went there and I was so jealous. He had a very good time. Next morning, the phone rang. My hubby picked it up. I don't know what the person on the other side was saying but I found him completely shell shocked. I asked him and he didn't responded for a while. My heart started pounding so heavily that I could hear it in my ears. I shook him and asked him again, he took hold of my hand and told me, that our friend has met with an accident and is in the ICU. I just couldn't speak a word. "How could it happen? Yesterday only,they were all merry making and suddenly.... What could have gone wrong?", I started thinking without blinking an eye.|
We went to the hospital,his brother then explained everything.Somehow they decided to leave for their place that night only after engagement. Our friend was driving accompanied by his cousin brother at front seat and at the back seat were his cousin brother's wife,their 6 month old and his own wife. In the dead of the night,a truck came from nowhere,colliding sideways, causing the car to turn and hit from the left side to the rear of the truck. The impact was so high that the cousin's wife who was sitting just behind him, hit her head and went into comma that very moment. They were immediately taken to the hospital. Our friend's jaws got broken,face disfigured but at least he was there with his family and his wife almost escaped unhurt with just few scratches. The fate took a very bad turn for the cousin's family. The cousin found his ball-socket joint of thigh and pelvis completely damaged. The granny tried to take care of the 6 month old ,he was crying endlessly,no one knew what happened to him. No visible injury was there so they thought its just the absence of his mom. But when he started veiling badly,they got him examined and found his two ribs crackled.
Life is just so unexpected. One moment you are happy and enjoying, the other moment fate has some other plans for you. I can't help but think, what the future holds for that 6 month old who even before coming to his senses is seeing his parents in such a state, mom in a deep slumber and dad who cannot pick him up and tell him,that everything is all right. That night everything changed for them,life just went for a roller coaster ride.
Today is only the time you have,this very moment is what is yours. That's why they say,treat everyday in your life as if it is the last day and live it to the fullest. Don't miss a moment. Hold your children,your loved ones close to you and tell them how much you love them. Life experiences make you stronger and this incident made me realize the importance of everyday,every moment.