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Friday, January 23, 2009
Age gap in kids
I was 6 years younger to my brother. When he was 14, I hardly knew what growing up means. We used to fight over petty issues and used to yell at each other. He was a teenager and i was still a kid. I used to hang around him like a baby chimp and he used to avoid me like plague :). He was not really comfortable with the idea of baby sitting his little sister, i think most teenagers aren't. I always remained a kid in his eyes and never experienced a friendly relation with him. When I became a teenager, he was advising me full throttle as if mom, dad were not enough and I used to hate him. I guess it was the raging hormones and rush of the hour.

We always had different issues to ponder on. When I was concerned about what we are going to play, he was looking for seclusion just like many teenagers. When I looked for isolation, he was banging on my door. We were always at loggerheads. It was not that we didn't loved each other, but we were always at different junctures of life to lend a patient ear to one another. We grew up, went our ways, got married and now we both have kids. We now have a much better understanding but we are still not friends.

What didn't let us be friends was the very significant age gap and it created more of a generation gap. Now, when I have my own kid, it makes me wonder what my son will be like with his younger brother or sister. I don't know how much age gap is good enough for the kids to be more pally to each other but I know this for sure that i want them to be friends. I want them to grow with an understanding of each others' priorities. Obviously you cannot stop them from fighting with each other and it is definitely a part of growing up but you can sure do what is in your hands. Do you know what should be the age gap among siblings or have you experienced the age difference? Let me know what you all have to say about it.

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10 Comments:

my younger sis and i are 3 yrs apart and we still fight with each other as well hahaha...

i guess age gap doesnt really matter, the most important is the relationship & the close ties among each other!

now all 3 of us sisters are VERY CLOSE to each other :-)

January 23, 2009 at 8:22 PM  

Very gentle post,with longing as a theme..
Hmm.I never had the oppurtunity of growing with siblings ,but my kids both boys,have a two years gap between them.They get along wonderfully except some times the fight between them is worser than two bulls locking horns !
But mostly it is fun and laughter definitely dominates..so I guess two years is right, no mutual domination & most importantly gives the paternts time to breathe

TC
CU

January 23, 2009 at 8:33 PM  

Gud one Ja...
Me and my sister have a age difference of two years...but we never were friends. We used to fight a lot when we were kids. We don't fight now, but the conversation is formal (mostly like big bro advising the li'l sis.). In my opinion, the relationship between siblings depends a lot on how parents bring them up. Here in India, from the very beginning you are told that you should respect the elder bro, listen to him etc while the elder one is told to take care of younger bro/sis, give them advice etc. It's these difference that parents create at very young age that get imbibed into the character of the siblings and don't allow them to share a relationship that they share with their friends.
~Abhi

January 27, 2009 at 5:23 PM  

Reckon 2 to 3 years apart is a good gap!

Then the older one can help...yet still play with the younger one.

My colleague has kids only 1 year apart and the younger one is learning so much quicker based on the older sibling....

But sometimes depending on our financial capability also...

Happy Planning.

January 28, 2009 at 6:36 AM  

my sis and I are 7 years apart.
she loved me, but I hated her then. 'cos being younger, the attention is all on her.

sad to say, it was the fights between my parents that brought us closer...

and now, still living together, we are great talking partners.

but then again, for your case, probably becos its a different gender, so less common topics to talk about.

January 29, 2009 at 4:16 PM  

It's quite difficult to say if the relationship of siblings will turn out a certain way because of the age difference. There are so many other factors that come into play - family environment, personal characters, parents influence, maybe even the gender of the children.

I'm the youngest in the family and the only girl. When we were younger, I didn't get along well with my 2nd brother (7 years older than me) coz' he was jealous of how much attention my mom gave me. My parents are divorced. We get along okay now. But I believe my parent's divorced had a strong impact on him. So, it really wasn't about age gap. Of course I was that pesky baby sister that they tried to get rid off. But I think that's just how boys are. I think it would be different if they were sisters, instead of brothers.

I have a friend who has 2 children only 1 year apart. They fight like cats and dogs.

So, my opinion - age gap is not important if parents know how to pull the family together. There must be times of unity but also opportunities of individual growth. Tricky balance.

January 29, 2009 at 9:37 PM  

Hi Jaanvi, nice posting. I guess most siblings are like that. Brothers not caring much for their sisters, but deep in their heats they love their sisters.

I never knew my 3 younger sisters...they left to study in England at a young age...and even today I only see each of them once in 5 years. And all in different corners of the planet too.

Right now I have not seen them 8 years. But send New Year cards and the odd email of and on.

You keep well Jaanvi, best regards, Lee.

January 29, 2009 at 10:56 PM  

i'm the only child and i'd always wished that i had siblings to play and share my things with. :) in my opinion, a gap of 3 years is good and healthy enough to have between the siblings... if it's less, there'd be a lot of rivalry and if it's more, they might not become friends... just an opinion :)

btw, i'm sorry for discontinuing Athena.. i've only been giving reasons to ppl about why i did that to them and disappointed them... it's just that it hurt me and i didn't feel like going ahead with her life...

January 30, 2009 at 3:27 AM  

For me I think age gap between 2-3 years is just nice. But the most important is whether I'm ready to handle with 2 kids.

I used to fight with my elder brother who is 1 year older than me. On the other hand, I take care my youngest brother who is 10 years younger than me!! I'm sure with good relationship and interaction big gap not a big deal :)

February 2, 2009 at 12:44 PM  

In my opinion, age gap itself is not the oni determination of how close the siblings can be, as commented above. So instead of doing family planning based on that, I guess there r other stuff like your comfort level of raising another child or financial situation, etc.

February 10, 2009 at 4:56 PM  

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