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Tuesday, January 6, 2009
When you run out of patience
In my earlier post on patience, Patience revisited , I mentioned about how you can go about raising a baby with some understandings of the real world. Here I am talking about slightly bigger babies like toddlers, how to deal with them when they drive you crazy. When you run out of patience, you tend to blurt out words that you don’t mean. If an adult is at the receiving end, he or she reciprocates, things heat up mostly ending up in a bad fight, not talking for days but patch up does take place because adults understand this behavior (although I think this is still not a justified reason to yell). If it’s a child on the receiving end, the poor kid takes meanings to his heart and of course even the unintentional things hurt badly and affect the child’s psyche.
A parent should always be very careful with the child because they have very innocent and have very impressionable minds.

Here are some things, which you should never tell your children whatever might be the circumstances:

· Comparison: Never use statements like, why can’t you be like neighbor’s son or your sister/brother. It makes children feel inadequate and also can cause a rift between siblings.

· Passing the buck: Saying statements like “wait until your dad comes home” undermines your authority and can also be a tension. The other parent comes home tired, may not handle the things they way it should be or the way you like. Deal with bad behavior then and there.

· Terrifying kids: Terrifying kids may work temporarily but there is always a danger that they may feel very terrorized and can lead to nightmares. Use a stern body language and tone to make the children realize what they need to do. Tell them calmly what you want them to do and listen what they have to say.

· Exploiting anxiety: We often use phrases like “I will leave you, hurry up” not knowing that the biggest fear children have is that they will get lost. Kids never have a sense of urgency as adults so you need to push them to get ready early.

· Labeling your child: By saying things like, “you are a bad boy” or “you are very naughty”, instead of managing the behavior, you are making sure that the child also starts believing in your words. You need to separate the child from his or her actions.

· Homework: Children are already so bogged down by their homework that they do not need us to sit on their backs and increase the load. When we say, ”why are you not getting it, its so simple”, it makes them nervous and probably deteriorates the condition. Help them learn and make it fun.

I try not to lose my patience and not use words that can be hurting, but there are times when I am driven against the wall. At those times, I shut my mouth and be completely silent, that works best for me. It is not always possible to walk the straight line but by knowing where the straight line is, one can coordinate one’s actions.

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Hi Jaanvi, Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.

We brought up our kids our way. As toddlers...Don't want to eat? No problems. We put away the food.
When they later say they want to eat I tell them 'sorry, we threw the food away'...and no lunch that day or breakfast, or dinner. They learned fast.

Crying? We leave them alone....
Fall down the steps and cry....we don't panic. Only if they don't cry.

We hardly buy them toys, instead gave them empty boxes, coloured pens and drawing paper.
I taught them card games at age 4....they sure loved playing cards too....same time learning how to count.

By 5 I taught them swimming and fishing.
They learned to make their own beds by 6.
They get money for helping in the house. Washing dishes get 20 cents. Keeping room clean get 30 cents...a week.
They learned about money by 7 and bought their own comic books with the money they earned, ha ha.No problems.
You have a great week, best regards, Lee.

January 6, 2009 at 10:40 PM  

all your ideas are really useful to us. Thanks!

January 7, 2009 at 7:03 AM  

Thanks for sharing. To deal with my girl I would use time out. Asking her to stand at the corner or folding her arms to give me some peace of mind. These still works on her.

January 7, 2009 at 12:01 PM  

Wow! Uncle Lee
Seems to be really good ideas.... Few days back ,i went to this friend's house and found so many toys for the baby and I felt oh god! I don't get so many toys for my baby, should I get more, but reading your thoughts on it really relieved me.

January 7, 2009 at 1:41 PM  

Thanks for the much needed reminders. I told DH to get me a punching bag so I can channel my anger away from the kids. Sigh! Still waiting for my punching bag :)

January 7, 2009 at 9:29 PM  

that was some good usable information on how to handle the toddlers! i'm sure it'd help me in future. :)

January 8, 2009 at 10:14 AM  

Sure dubu...
otherwise I will give you personal tips as well. not a problem :)

January 8, 2009 at 1:34 PM  

good one Lian
well for me my hubby usually turns into my punching bag... poor him..

January 8, 2009 at 1:35 PM  

Patience is definitely learned. At least in my case. You know those plaques that say, "Lord, keep your hand over my mouth?" - That's me!! Speaking in anger, frustration... and emotional blurts are often later regretted.

Along with the things you listed, I would add on that an apology is always appreciated. Especially when kids get older.

From parents or child, if a conversation gets heated, it is good to have in place an allowance for some "cool off" time before continuing the conversation.

January 8, 2009 at 8:02 PM  

Yes, as a parent, we really have to control our emotions and especialyl if we are working, not to let out the stress on the kids.

It is a balance between being tough and giving love - touch love ya!

January 9, 2009 at 10:23 AM  

First timer here & enjoyed the post thoroughly ! Especially now that my sons are grown up & different,difficult issues have taken over !! Well life goes on ,LOL
Nice read,keep it up

January 15, 2009 at 9:08 AM  

But we're always guilty of all these ya. Well, for me, at least. So must seriously learn to minimise these mistakes.

January 17, 2009 at 4:51 PM  

Here I am also trying my best not to lose my patience and hurt my gal in whatever way.

Thanks for the pointers and will sure keep that in mind :)

January 22, 2009 at 10:06 AM  

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