Tuesday, January 6, 2009
When you run out of patience
|In my earlier post on patience, Patience revisited , I mentioned about how you can go about raising a baby with some understandings of the real world. Here I am talking about slightly bigger babies like toddlers, how to deal with them when they drive you crazy. When you run out of patience, you tend to blurt out words that you don’t mean. If an adult is at the receiving end, he or she reciprocates, things heat up mostly ending up in a bad fight, not talking for days but patch up does take place because adults understand this behavior (although I think this is still not a justified reason to yell). If it’s a child on the receiving end, the poor kid takes meanings to his heart and of course even the unintentional things hurt badly and affect the child’s psyche.|
A parent should always be very careful with the child because they have very innocent and have very impressionable minds.
Here are some things, which you should never tell your children whatever might be the circumstances:
· Comparison: Never use statements like, why can’t you be like neighbor’s son or your sister/brother. It makes children feel inadequate and also can cause a rift between siblings.
· Passing the buck: Saying statements like “wait until your dad comes home” undermines your authority and can also be a tension. The other parent comes home tired, may not handle the things they way it should be or the way you like. Deal with bad behavior then and there.
· Terrifying kids: Terrifying kids may work temporarily but there is always a danger that they may feel very terrorized and can lead to nightmares. Use a stern body language and tone to make the children realize what they need to do. Tell them calmly what you want them to do and listen what they have to say.
· Exploiting anxiety: We often use phrases like “I will leave you, hurry up” not knowing that the biggest fear children have is that they will get lost. Kids never have a sense of urgency as adults so you need to push them to get ready early.
· Labeling your child: By saying things like, “you are a bad boy” or “you are very naughty”, instead of managing the behavior, you are making sure that the child also starts believing in your words. You need to separate the child from his or her actions.
· Homework: Children are already so bogged down by their homework that they do not need us to sit on their backs and increase the load. When we say, ”why are you not getting it, its so simple”, it makes them nervous and probably deteriorates the condition. Help them learn and make it fun.
I try not to lose my patience and not use words that can be hurting, but there are times when I am driven against the wall. At those times, I shut my mouth and be completely silent, that works best for me. It is not always possible to walk the straight line but by knowing where the straight line is, one can coordinate one’s actions.